Of Neuroses and Waiting

Dear Sprout,

We are now finishing up our 18th week, the week of the sweet potato. Our 18th week started off with a wonderful visit with your nana and grandpa. I think they are as excited to meet you as we are. There is a rumor that your great-grandma Betty is a little excited about your arrival, as well. You are causing quite a stir, little sweet potato.

You've become big enough that I can feel you move. It's not constant and it hasn't been for a few days now, but you're there. Just a tickle here or a soft punch there and if I blinked I'd miss it, but you've been persistent enough that I know it's you and not just gas.

I feel pretty lucky to be doing this baby thing during the age of so much information being so readily available with just a few strokes of the keyboard. This is definitely a blessing, but also a bit of a curse. For everything I Google, there are millions of responses and most are reassuring. Then there are the ones that are all gloom and doom and dismay. For every 100 responses that say everything is normal and everyone goes through the same issue, there's the one that says "Nope. Sorry. You're going to die." Guess which one sticks with me?

If anyone were to check my browser history, I'm sure they'd be shocked into stunned embarrassment. My searches generally include something like "pregnant and my nipples ____________" or "pregnant and <insert some gross bodily function here>" or "why am I burping fire?"

I would be embarrassed but I'm not even close to the first person who's ever turned to Google for the answers to those questions and many more. I am not the first person who's had to run to the internet to find out why her boobs have turned into huge, blue veined balloons. I feel much better about my neuroses thanks to site like Yahoo! Answers.

And speaking of neurosis... I just am absolutely out of my mind waiting for our ultrasound. The days are just crawling by. I cannot wait to see you, so much bigger and much more human and our big, awesome baby. This waiting is absolute torture. It makes me want to run to the doctor and beg to hear your heartbeat JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. I've been so lucky with all of our ultrasounds and dopplers, I've barely had to go a month without seeing or hearing you and we're rounding out 6 weeks with no baby spotting. It's nerve-wracking.

I worry a lot. Get used to it, kid.

I love you so much, sweet potato.
Love,
Your mama