Sunday, July 31, 2011

For Our Wedding Day

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

                                      -e.e. cummings

For my husband and my son on this amazing day. 

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Oh, The Places You Will Go!

Dear Sprout,

We have been incredibly busy these past couple of weeks. I'm sorry to say that I didn't have a chance to write you my weekly love letter for two whole weeks. I am NOT sorry to say that I got to spend those two whole weeks with a variety of friends and family who helped your father and I celebrate your future. And who were all amazing.

So, today we will start anew because, oh boy, have things changed.

For one, you have a new cousin! A perfectly made, beautiful boy named Quincy. He's wonderful and your Aunt Jenny is one tough cookie. You'll find that out soon enough. I can't wait for the two of you to be able to spend time together.

Quincy is already a charmer!

And you! You are 28 weeks! We've made it so far and we are so close! 84 days to d-day! Depending on which chart I go by, you are either the size of an eggplant or a Chinese cabbage. Almost 15 inches long and over two pounds. This is unbelievable to me. You are unbelievable.

You are visible from the outside now and your dad can feel you kicking so often, it's amazing. You were kicking me hard the other day and I could see my belly dancing with each movement. It was one of the most incredible moments of my whole life. I marvel at the fact that we created and I am now sustaining life, but you continue to show me just how marvelous it truly is. 

There is a person in there. You are a real, live whole person now. We're just waiting on all of the finishing touches and for you to be strong enough to join us out here.

We had so much family support at our baby showers when we were back in the Midwest to visit, it was overwhelming. You will inevitably be the best dressed baby, if you even have a chance to wear it all. There are so many beautiful, soft things in your closet and dresser. 

Your library has grown in the most fantastic way! I love books and I love that your father reads to you and I love that you love it already. Hopefully, you will take some of my love of reading and keep it with you. If not, I suppose that's okay, but you still have to learn to spell and write well. Not negotiable.

We have another ultrasound on Monday. This will be the first one your father has had to miss and neither of us are thrilled about that, but it seems that your Nana will be able to see you moving around in there with me, so that's pretty awesome! We have to do this ultrasound because you were so unwilling to hold still the last time and we need to get some measurements that were missed. We also need to check on your current size, what with our diabetes, which we will talk more about later.

Next week, we begin the next step in our journey. Your father and I and our families and friends will be flying to Las Vegas and getting married. Well, your dad and I. The rest are there to party with us. And by party, I mean swim because I am the anti-party right now. Though, I will probably be partaking in a glass of wine on July 31st, the day your father and I get hitched. I am already getting my "Don't mess with my wine" glare ready.

Baby boy, you are so loved and so wanted. We can't wait to meet you and hold you. BUT we will. Stay in there. Just a little while longer and we can all be together, okay?

All of my love,
Your mama

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Dear Sprout,

Another interesting week! Not necessarily GOOD interesting, but interesting nonetheless. This week you're about the size of a rutabaga, 13 1/2 inches and around 1 1/2 pounds. That's amazing! We really don't have much more to go, baby boy. We're down to 15 weeks left.

15 more weeks to prepare for your life to begin outside of my body. And here I am just getting used to you being inside there.

You're getting a bit less ticklish and more like a karate baby. You still tickle me the majority of the time, but you have your moments, son, when you kick hard and make me jump. You're just getting so big, I imagine that soon it's going to be impossible to pretend it's not happening and sleep at night.

We've hit a potential bump in the road, you and I. Everything feels so good right now that failing my glucose test last week was a severe shock. I went to retake it this morning, just to verify. It's got to be one of the most cruel tests you can give a pregnant woman.

I woke up at 7:30 AM, got dressed, and left for the doctor. I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast. I had been fasting since 8:00PM the night before. I get to the labs where they do the draws and they didn't open until 9:00AM on Saturdays, not like the 7:30AM on the weekdays.

So I waited. And waited. And tons of people started to show up waiting for 9:00AM to come around so they could do whatever blood draws or tests they needed to do. At 9 when we were able to start taking numbers to get served, a man jumped ahead of me in line and it was all I could do to not scream at him and possibly punch him in his junk. You just don't do that to a pregnant lady that was rightfully there first and, also, HASN'T EATEN FOR 13 HOURS! What the hell was he thinking?

I had my blood drawn, drank my fruit punch abomination, and waited. And got kicked in the gut repeatedly by you, who clearly was NOT pleased with the morning's events. Two hours and two more blood draws later, I was sprinting down the front stairs and across the street to the Whole Foods for a breakfast burrito that probably wasn't all that good but OHMYGOD I wanted 2 more when I was done.

We have an appointment for Tuesday to meet with the diabetic educator. Even if I pass this glucose test, I'm going to go anyway, get my menu plan and really try to make sure we stay healthy through the next 15 weeks.

15 weeks...

In that time, so many things are going to happen and I am a little overwhelmed at just how much our lives are changing. You have a cousin being born this coming week and I am so excited to get to go spend some time with him and your Aunt Jenny. We're having two baby showers. Your father and I are going to pledge to spend the rest of our lives together during a long weekend in Sin City. I have to finish getting our house ready for your arrival. We have to finish our birth plan and all of those decisions that need to be made upon your arrival.

We have a lot to do and a lot to learn and I am terrified of just how much everything is about to change. Also? Exhilarated. Excited. Thrilled. And above all... amazed.

You are so loved, little man. So very cherished by all of us. Our lives are about to be changed drastically and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that these changes are only for the better.

Posting through the next month will be sporadic, at best. My Saturdays are going to be full of family and fun this month. I'll try to update at least once a week, but probably not on any real schedule. Not that you'll mind. You probably will only every be mortified by this outpouring of undying love and affection to the little ninja in my belly.

With all of my love,
Your mama