Saturday, August 27, 2011

Why is My Tummy Lopsided?

Dear Sprout,

This week we are 33 weeks and I have just been watching my tummy bounce with your hiccups for the past 10 minutes. There is also a very odd, baby-shaped lump on the left side and I have to say... that's just weird. I feel like my belly is twice the size it was last week, though I'm sure that can't possibly be true. Though, according to the internet you should be about 17 inches this week and topping about five pounds. So, who knows? Maybe my tummy has doubled in size.

We have another ultrasound the day after tomorrow and it will probably be our last. We're going to check on you one more time and try to get an idea of how big you are. The same day, I get to be strapped to some monitors so we can check your activity and heart rate. The monitoring has started happening twice a week from here on out.

You have not been cooperative.

Not. Shocking.

The first time we did the monitoring, your daddy was there and he was talking to you and you couldn't stop moving. You were exactly how you should be and everyone was satisfied that all was going well.

The second monitor was just me in the room with the nurse. The nurse who was trying everything to get you to move. Shaking my tummy, zapping me with some weird contraption, cold water, you name it.

You wouldn't give her the satisfaction of doing what she wanted. It wasn't until she left the room and I begged you, pleaded with you, bargained with you to just please MOVE so we wouldn't get stuck strapped to more machines in the hospital.

You started then and kept going, so long as I complimented you and told you I loved you. We narrowly escaped the hospital. Can we please not have a repeat of that? I'd really like to keep you inside a bit longer and I have no doubts they will try to take you from my womb if you keep this up.

We have scheduled an induction for October 9th. While I really wanted everything to happen naturally, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about our blood sugar issues and I want more than anything for you to be healthy. We will be 39 weeks and 2 days and I am confident we will make it through everything just fine. My doctor is (THANKFULLY) on board with avoiding a C-section at all costs, so the induction is our first step in making that happen.  This is why we are going to try to keep a good eye on your size and movements.

No medical emergencies, if you please.

It doesn't hurt that having a day that we're going to get your entrance started really makes it easier for family to plan to be here to meet you.

I worry and worry. I want so much to meet you, Sprout. I have this incredible feeling that you are going to be someone who will always give us a run for our money and will never think twice about being just exactly who you are.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

All of my love,
Your mama

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sorry I Was SO Emo Last Time

Dear Sprout,

Welcome to our 8th month of baby baking! This week starts week 32. Only 8 weeks left before you are here and we are wholly responsible for your well-being. Starting this week, you're supposedly putting on about a half pound a week. If the doctor's were right at the last ultrasound, you should be on track for being about eight and a half pounds at birth.


We do have another ultrasound coming up week after next, so hopefully we can get in there and make sure you're not growing into a behemoth.

I'm starting to think about going ahead with a scheduled induction. Probably for October 4th or 11th, depending on what the doctor thinks. Depending on how big you are getting. Depending on how the now twice weekly non-stress tests go.

My hormones have been on a rampage this week. I generally am pretty good at reining my emotions in and knowing when it's real feelings or just hormonal rage. This week, I've just been all over the place. Nothing is right, everything is wrong and until I realized just how volatile I have been, your poor father has had to listen to me and has suffered the brunt of my evil.

I want to be really clear here, for anyone who reads this and for you, when you're old enough to read this or care: I couldn't be married to a more amazing man. He has his issues and he has his flaws, but there is nothing about him that I don't love. Your father is the absolute love of my life. And right now? Right now he couldn't be more amazing if he tried.

I fall in love with him more every day. Sometimes, when his face is lit up with his love for you, I fall in love with him all over again. When he reads you your bedtime story in all of his made-up voices, my heart feels like it might burst with how lucky I am-- how lucky we both are. I know I will fall in love with him over and over again as these next years go by, because he will constantly surprise me with his love, his devotion and his absolute dedication to his son.

And I am so very sorry that I have been such a raging bitch this week. I will do whatever I can to make it up to him. My whole life will be spent making sure he knows just how loved and appreciated he is.

And embarrassing you when you hit middle school. It's my job.

This week, son, you are so big in my tummy that I get a little overwhelmed. And a lot seasick. You're so big I don't feel kicks as much, because you don't have as much room to actually kick. Your dad is pretty sure he felt your big noggin pushing up against his hand through my tummy. I feel you moving from side to side, or rolling around, or hiccuping. That still blows my mind... those rhythmic bounces in my belly that tell me you've been practicing swallowing and getting ready for what awaits you in the outside world.

I just have to eat and breathe and you will do all the hard work of getting ready to be born. I take a lot of the credit because I'm the one technically growing your bones and having all the aches and pains and such. But you... you are the one with all the burden, the one that has to leave the warm, secure comfort of your mama in 8 weeks and be ready to do all of the things that a living, breathing human has to do.

That's pretty impressive, if you ask me!

I don't know what I did right in this life to be surrounded by so many amazing people, but kid, you are in for one heck of a wild ride. Your life is going to be so touched in so many ways by love and support. And I feel the luckiest by having my most favorite boys in the world with me every day.

I can't wait to have you in my arms.
All of my love,
Your mama

Saturday, August 13, 2011

In Which Your Mama Whines a Whole Heck of a Lot

Dear Sprout,

This week has been exhausting, mentally. I am so happy that I was chosen to be your mommy, but I can't help but feel like my body is failing you. Failing us both.

We had an OB visit on Tuesday. I have kept my weight gain to a pretty good minimum, my asthma has been easily controlled, and you seem to be good and feisty. All in all, we're not doing terrible. My glucose numbers... those haven't managed to be under very good control at all. I went over the numbers with my doctor's and they just don't make any sense. I have been sticking to my diet and the same foods pretty much every day and the numbers are just wild and ever-changing.

So now, we are doing 4 shots of insulin every day. On top of poking myself 4 times a day to get my numbers. I am so sick of needles already. The next nine weeks will be eight needles every single day. Not to mention my new doctor schedule of twice a week, so they can hook me up to monitors to make sure you're doing ok in there.

I love you so incredibly much and I'm so happy we're doing everything possible to make your entry into this world as easy and healthy as possible. When I whine about this a little, it's not you, it's me. I had really hoped for a nice, easy pregnancy. I hardly sleep at night, unable to get comfortable. My tendinitis in my hip is becoming nearly unbearable. I spend more time in the bathroom than I care to admit.

The decision to stop with you, to have you be our only... that decision is becoming easier to stick with as the days progress. Please don't get me wrong, this is all so very, very worth the pokes and prods. You are so worth every bit of heartache I feel, every insecurity I have about my worthiness as a host body for you. I just don't know that I could put myself or your father through this again. Or you. I need to be healthy for you as your grow and going through these issues again would take away from what you need.

You are our miracle, our love and we can't wait to get to know you. These next nine weeks cannot come soon enough. Seriously. They can't. Let's do this!

I cannot express my love for you enough.
You are the second half of my heart.
Your mama

Saturday, August 6, 2011

What Happens in Vegas...

Sprout, Sprout, Sprout,

What a long, beautiful week it's been. Today, we are 30 weeks. You have been growing like a champ in my tummy for 210 days. You have 70 days left until your eviction papers are filed. The internet says you are approximately three pounds and nearly 16 inches long. We know you've already passed the three pounder mark from our last medical ultrasound at 28 weeks. Our big, growing boy!

Last weekend, your father and I got married. I still giggle when I call him my husband, but honestly? I couldn't be happier. He's the most amazing man I have ever known, perfect even with all of his imperfections. Joining together as a family in front of all of our wonderful friends and family was the most beautiful experience of my life. I imagine it can only be compared with finally getting to meet you for the first time.

While in Las Vegas, we also bit the bullet and did a 3D ultrasound and kid? You are something else, already. The first 3D image was you yawning and we were both overwhelmed. That was all the sweet you were going to give us. The rest of the time we spent trying to get you to stop kicking yourself in the face or folding yourself in half and crossing your legs in front of your face. Basically, you did everything you could to make sure we couldn't see that face we are so longing see in person.

We did get to confirm that you are, in fact, a boy. You didn't make that particularly easy, either, considering when we went for that shot, you had a foot right on your scrotum. I love you, but I think we're going to have some challenges with you and those feet.

What we did see and what I am so very excited about is that you most definitely take after your father. You may have my round head, but your face is so very much like those Schuster men and I couldn't be more thrilled. Those men are quite handsome and you are going to get a large dose of their genetic code.

You are SO your daddy!
You've been a lot of fun lately. We get to feel you so often and now we can watch you move around in my tummy. I shouldn't say anything lest you get any ideas, but you've been so nice about not kicking me in my lungs. You stay down really low and don't get all stretchy like I hear babies can get. Of course, we do have teen weeks left so I suppose I shouldn't get too comfortable just yet.

My sweet, sweet boy, we have gotten almost everything ready for your arrival. Except the organizing part. We have the equipment, just not the space for it. This is my next big step now that we are home and not traveling until after you're born. It's time to get down to the business of nesting and having this place ready for you.

This journey has been incredible and you are the culmination of all of our love. And you are so loved.
Your mama