I feel like I may have to phone it in with this week's post, kid. We've settled into a pleasant sameness where I feel good, nothing has changed, and our days are just business as usual. It's both comforting and boring and I can live with that.
The other day my boss asked me how far along we were and when I told her we were finishing up our fourth month, she gasped. She couldn't believe it and said the time was just flying past.
The constant feeling of how our lives are about to change drastically and forever mixed with the excitement of keeping you healthy and eventually meeting this great kid... it feels like forever to me. Each day just drags by. I think about you so much and worry about you and I feel like this is just never going to end -- You'll just be in here forever and I'll never get to meet you.
I suppose I should enjoy my days of blah and boring and whatever, because those will be going away.
I've also been dreaming about you. A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that you were a lovely little boy and when I woke up, I realized I was far less gung-ho about having a girl. Coincidentally, I have fallen madly in love with the name your father picked out for if you are a boy, so that probably helps. Let's not tell him that though. I can't handle all of the "I told you so" for the next eternity.
Thankfully, we get to have some quality parent (your grandparents) times the next few weeks. Next weekend we get to have your nana and grandpa for the weekend. We get to see your nana fairly frequently and we are so thankful for that bit of home, especially me right now. Your Grandpa Randy, on the other hand, we see less often and his trips are definitely a treat for us.
Something you don't know, but will find out soon enough: Your Grandpa Randy... he loves being a grandpa and he's really good at it. I think the two of you will have a lot of fun.
Your nini will be here in about 4 weeks. I feel like I might explode waiting for her to be here with me. Thinking about it brings me to tears.** I want to show her our new place and set up your room with her and make her dinners and on June 6th... show her you. I have missed her so much through all of this. I never imagined I'd do this without her and your aunt with me.
Also, our dog? He's officially lost his mind. I doubt highly he knows just what's about to happen to his leisurely days on my lap the next five months or how seriously his world is about to be rocked, but he's become very protective of me. He's always been a sweet, cuddly puppy, but right now he can't bear to be more than three feet away from me. He must (MUST) sleep on my belly or curled around the belly. He's also taken up being on high alert and every strange noise results in a a jump to my lap, some barking and, at times, growling. I don't know that he understands that a new human is cooking in there, but he does know that he must protect the belly at all costs.
I love you, boy or girl child, I love you so very much,
**I'm not trying to make her feel guilty. Other things that have brought me to super sad tears this week: Episodes of Super Nanny, when your dad kisses you through my tummy and tells you good morning, not being able to decide on a Chinese restaurant, forgetting my wallet, a rainy morning, and missing the crap out of my own mama.