Happy Halloween!
And now you are 3 weeks old!
You are so very different from the day that we met you. It doesn't seem all that long ago, but you are so much bigger. You get more and more handsome at every turn. You're getting a ton of strength and you're able to pitch yourself forward in a fit of rage when you are hungry and the bottle isn't getting to you fast enough. You can lift your head with the best of them.
We're getting more into the swing of feeding you. Pumping has been a royal pain in my butt, but seeing you pack on the ounces has made it all worthwhile. Not that you wouldn't have gotten there with formula, because of course you would have, but of all the things that have gone wrong in getting you safely onto this earth, the one thing I have been determined to not have go wrong is breast feeding. Which, of course, it has gone all wrong but I am able to pump and supply you with milk and I plan on doing it as long as I can. It's hard and my supply barely keeps up with your demands, but no amount of sore, cracked nipples is going to make me fold on this one.
You will learn that I am just as stubborn as you are. Keep that in mind, my future teenage son.
I even ordered some not illegal but not prescribed to me drugs from New Zealand. I scoff at the FDA and their regulations! I WILL MAKE MORE MILK! I am finally a couple of bottles ahead so I can feel like we can leave the house for a couple of hours and I am not just a milk cow attached to suction hoses. Hopefully when my drugs gets here, I can start really storing some up and ease the pressure on myself.
This week has brought with it your first really fussy day. It was... interesting. It was stressful and I felt so lost. You had previously gone through a bit of a growth spurt that required tons of feedings and came with a bit of fussing, but this day was something else entirely. You spend the majority of the day awake and probably crying. Maybe not crying, but definitely awake. The only times you would sleep were when I walked you around in your stroller or when you were swaddled and being rocked.
It was exhausting. You were so sweet and cuddly the next day, though, that it made it almost worth it.
Almost.
Last week, we did your newborn photos with Heather Puett from Marysville. She did an amazing job and captured some great shots. I would recommend her to anyone. Hopefully, she'll still be available for your one year photos.
I still don't have all of them, but the few that I have seen have been outstanding. You were such sheer perfection (and really, who am I kidding? You still are!) and you just looked flawless. You are absolutely not a normal baby. You didn't ever look wrinkly and icky and new. You always looked like the cover of a magazine.
This is our last week with your Nene staying with us in the house. I am both nervous as hell and kind of excited to see how we handle this on our own. It won't be easy, I know that. I'm not sure I'm very good at this whole "newborn care" thing. I try, but I kind of take it all personally. When you grump, I am pretty sure it's because I am incapable of doing the right thing for you. I know that's ridiculous. I know I am being dramatic. But I am hormonal and scared. It's just how it is, right now.
This coming week does bring a visit from your great-grandma Betty and your Aunt Sarah. They are coming out for a couple of days to visit with you and spend some quality time snuggling you. We are all looking forward to their visit.
I really do hate that you will get to see the rest of your family so infrequently. I love it out here, I do. And your daddy is so happy, I would never give it up, but the idea of being so far away during this time of your life just kills me. Will a couple of days here and there be enough for you to know these people and how much they mean?
The dog has decided that you can stay, but you need to stop taking up so much room in people's laps.
All of my love,
Your mama
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