This week you were the size of a plum. You are fully formed in there. You are a really tiny, real live baby. The big book says you can smile in there. I sure hope you are, because we are out here.
This week has been uneventful-- amazingly, blissfully uneventful. No more moving, though I am still busy trying to get things put away. No big dramatic events. And probably most excitingly, no more morning sickness. Sure, there have been a few waves of nausea here and there, but we've had none of that stop-everything-run-to-the-bathroom-and-pray-for-forgiveness morning sickness. I've felt better than I have in months. Welcome to our second trimester!
We have decided that for now, you will be an only child. We made our decision to achieve this by whatever means necessary. We're going to love you and cherish you and think you are awesome, but we don't want to go through this part again. If we change our minds, we decided we will adopt a brother or sister for you.
We made this decision to not make another baby well before this week, but it was cemented in my mind after researching the cost of child care. At a ridiculous $1600 a month, I have no idea how we're going to afford it. At that price, I might as well not even work. After you figure that into my take home pay each month, I'd be lucky to be bringing home an additional $300. It seems hardly worth the heartache of leaving you for 10 hours a day.
This is one of those things that I had never really considered. When I was growing up, I was so lucky to have family around to help care for me. My sister had a babysitter for awhile before I became the babysitter. I never expected I'd be 2400 miles away from that luxury when I had our first child. How we're going to muddle through this one, kid, I have no idea right now.
This figures into but is not even close to the only reason why I am missing our family right now. It's an ache I have inside to be close to people I love. Besides your dad, I really have no one I talk to on a regular basis to help me through this. I feel quite alone in this endeavor. I'm sure some of this comes from being a tad overly emotional right now, but it's still all true. I miss my mommy. I miss my sister. You have a cousin who will be about three months older than you and two cousins that are incredible and I have no idea if you will ever truly know them and that makes me incredibly sad.
Onto lighter subjects, please. The past several nights I have had incredibly painful charley horses every time I stretch my legs in bed. I was becoming worried that I had some sort of potassium deficiency even though I try to eat bananas very regularly and I have been taking my prenatals. Of course, I had to Google this to see what horrible disease was taking over my legs and lo! behold! it's you. Of course it is. Of course. It seems there is a whole laundry list of things you do to my body that I had no idea I'd have to deal with.
You are, incredibly and wonderfully, continually full of surprises. I love you and love being your mama already.
All of our love,