Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sorry I Was SO Emo Last Time

Dear Sprout,

Welcome to our 8th month of baby baking! This week starts week 32. Only 8 weeks left before you are here and we are wholly responsible for your well-being. Starting this week, you're supposedly putting on about a half pound a week. If the doctor's were right at the last ultrasound, you should be on track for being about eight and a half pounds at birth.


We do have another ultrasound coming up week after next, so hopefully we can get in there and make sure you're not growing into a behemoth.

I'm starting to think about going ahead with a scheduled induction. Probably for October 4th or 11th, depending on what the doctor thinks. Depending on how big you are getting. Depending on how the now twice weekly non-stress tests go.

My hormones have been on a rampage this week. I generally am pretty good at reining my emotions in and knowing when it's real feelings or just hormonal rage. This week, I've just been all over the place. Nothing is right, everything is wrong and until I realized just how volatile I have been, your poor father has had to listen to me and has suffered the brunt of my evil.

I want to be really clear here, for anyone who reads this and for you, when you're old enough to read this or care: I couldn't be married to a more amazing man. He has his issues and he has his flaws, but there is nothing about him that I don't love. Your father is the absolute love of my life. And right now? Right now he couldn't be more amazing if he tried.

I fall in love with him more every day. Sometimes, when his face is lit up with his love for you, I fall in love with him all over again. When he reads you your bedtime story in all of his made-up voices, my heart feels like it might burst with how lucky I am-- how lucky we both are. I know I will fall in love with him over and over again as these next years go by, because he will constantly surprise me with his love, his devotion and his absolute dedication to his son.

And I am so very sorry that I have been such a raging bitch this week. I will do whatever I can to make it up to him. My whole life will be spent making sure he knows just how loved and appreciated he is.

And embarrassing you when you hit middle school. It's my job.

This week, son, you are so big in my tummy that I get a little overwhelmed. And a lot seasick. You're so big I don't feel kicks as much, because you don't have as much room to actually kick. Your dad is pretty sure he felt your big noggin pushing up against his hand through my tummy. I feel you moving from side to side, or rolling around, or hiccuping. That still blows my mind... those rhythmic bounces in my belly that tell me you've been practicing swallowing and getting ready for what awaits you in the outside world.

I just have to eat and breathe and you will do all the hard work of getting ready to be born. I take a lot of the credit because I'm the one technically growing your bones and having all the aches and pains and such. But you... you are the one with all the burden, the one that has to leave the warm, secure comfort of your mama in 8 weeks and be ready to do all of the things that a living, breathing human has to do.

That's pretty impressive, if you ask me!

I don't know what I did right in this life to be surrounded by so many amazing people, but kid, you are in for one heck of a wild ride. Your life is going to be so touched in so many ways by love and support. And I feel the luckiest by having my most favorite boys in the world with me every day.

I can't wait to have you in my arms.
All of my love,
Your mama

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